AN EXERT FROM 'THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE'
by Lauren Cleveland
Summary: i'm not sure exactly what i did with this. its derived from the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe but it crosses from stuff from the book to stuff from the movie to a real life point of view. hope its not too confusing! thx enjoy ;) just had some fun with it


*SOUNDBITE*

_Again! We find ourselves in the land of an alternate universe, in which of course-the natural law of things has, naturally-screwed over its author and done what all things do best-whatever it wants._

"AN EXCERT FROM 'THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE'" alternately of course.

…Lucy Pevensie rounded a corner, her heart beating irregularly, the wound of her elder brother's voice reverberating throughout the house…"17! 18! 19!"…her time was running out! It was such a grand thing none of them were particularly familiar with the scruffy old professor's home, after all-it was hard enough to find their way to the bathroom on a regular bases, much less navigate each nook and cranny the house held secret. And here was a door! Lucy ran full tilt, exerted and nervous for her mind held no recollection of her time left. She turned the knob, 'gotta hide, gotta hide'-her nose crashed into the wood, the pictures on the walls banging in protest. Of course, there was a down-side to not knowing which doors were darned locked. She tried the next one,…and no luck. What was wrong with these people? Who was so paranoid to lock their storage closets? the third door was tightly sealed as well and Lucy was on panic mode now-she rushed past and "_slam!_"-looking behind she saw the last door now opened. This place was too weird….hoping Peter hadn't heard, Lucy ran in and shut the door behind her, turning-to a wardrobe? No matter, climbing in she shuffled to the back and tried to soften her steps….the wardrobe went farther back than she had thought, and at the prick of a needle she whirled around to the sight of a pine tree, with snow downing it. She gasped "Oh how lovely! A magic wardrobe! Perhaps I'll get the chance to meet a species that have their males go around without shirts on but won't burst into wolves! And perhaps I'll get a position in power for doing absolutely nothing-I've always wanted to be a politician! And if I'm lucky, I'll even be able to finally get rid of my idiotic brother by laying down a trail of Turkish Delight-whatever the heck that is-and he'll run into the lady who got her finger stuck in an electrical socket! Now, I shall do the logical thing-just like my prune lipped sist4er-and go get my siblings because I don't trust people who pronounce a 'faun' as a 'phone'! Lucy turned and was about to march back, when the last sight she would see was a pair of teeth closing around her….

FROM ASLAN'S PERSPECTIVE-

…..shaking out his stylist treated hair, the lion paused. He thought his food had screamed, which probably shouldn't' have happened when his jaws had closed down on an elk…hmm, quite a dilemma. His taste buds detected human…wasn't there some kind of prophecy about them? Eh, they were overrated anyhow. Not to mention he was pretty sure the jugular was severed on this one so…bottoms up! The child went down delightfully, only a bit of shoe coming back up with his burp. Anyhow, the all-powerful Aslan wasn't quite sure he wanted some kid in power who stood by a closet-full of furs in winter anyhow. Turning his back, Aslan thought he heard a voice coming from the other side of the wardrobe…."Lucy! You in here?!"….the lion thought to leave the voice alone…but after all, the prophecy was screwed now after all, so he might as well indulge himself….and so the Lion bounded through.

PETER'S SHORT OUT-LOOK ON LIFE-

I can't believe they made me get this dreadful haircut! I wanted to get casted into harry Potter as Malfoy! No-I get stuck with prune face. Ugh, at least they got the special effects right. That lion looks real enough. Very…uh very, real. "Director?..."

EDMUND'S LOUSY CUT-

He could hear screams in the distance. Huh, must've changed the script. Didn't matter, his role was to stay in the closet until it was rapped 3 times. Might as well check Twitter….hey, says there's a lion escape on one of the sets in Hollywood! That's cool….

SUSAN'S PATHETIC EXISTENCE-

Checking to make sure her scene hadn't started, Susan ducked into her dressing room and locked the door. Sure the director had said if she botoxed her lips anymore she'd be cut, but she doubted him. After all, he was her uncle-and although she didn't realize the plain truth-the only reason she had been on the casting block in the first place. Shoving the needle in place, she looked at her watch….outside her room, aslan sniffed the cabin and backed away. Euch. Hollywood plastic had infected this one. He would probably get fired after eating the producer but it was worth it…..I mean, even if he was insured-crucifixion hurt. And he didn't completely buy the whole "resurrection" gig. He bet they just wrote that in to pacify the animal rights activists. Him having an "understudy" was +just too risky for this role. Anyways, he didn't want his styled 'Donald Trump" look to get damaged. Now, who next…..hmm, perhaps some Dwarf and dip…..

*AND BREAK!*


End file.
